English grammar from the trenches

I've noticed that language as a whole is on a downward slide. Between texting and emails, we're learning to ad lib like never before. Even in the best of circumstances, we only use a small chunk of the vocabulary Shakespeare used in his day. Something must be done.

Now, it's not that I'm an English whiz compared to a friend of mine who was an editor and now runs a close-captioning company. His level of perfection is possibly beyond me, but I can hold my own and detect perhaps 95 percent of the troubles most writers would do well to avoid if they wanted to keep their credibility as craftsmen of the English language. No matter where we each are, we could always be better and use a hand up from our English-using pals. Maybe you're mystified by compound sentences (like I used to be). Perhaps you're confused by perfect tenses and spelling rules. Whatever the case, I'll be posting a few simple lessons which should help.

(And in respect to that sad comment about Shakespeare's vocabulary being so superior to our own, I'll be giving you a word to add to your cache. Your mission is to use it in a sentence and impress your friends, family, and coworkers.)

If this post has depressed you too much, check out this Shakespeare version of the Three Little Pigs.


Word for the day

eucatastrophe—[noun] a sudden and favorable resolution of events in a story; a happy ending.

Example: Do you prefer a book with a eucatastrophe?

Don't be yourself (at least not all the time)

Wait a minute. What do you mean, don't be yourself? What about tibi ipsi esto fidelis and all that jazz? Aren't you supposed to stay true to yourself and refuse to compromise by eating milk chocolate when you really prefer dark? 

Recently I've been reading "The Plot Thickens" by Noah Lukeman. It's taking me awhile because I'm studying and taking notes, but even though I'm only on page 100, I'm amazed by the value of his book. The first two chapters are about getting to know your characters, inside and out. In those chapters, Lukeman has created enormous lists of questions which help a writer develop an incredibly detailed bio of her characters. The result is that by the time you finally write your story, it practically writes itself because you have come to know your characters so deeply. An added advantage is that characters written from such a detailed background come across as three dimensional and real to the reader rather than flat and stereotypical. 

So I might not be a cagey old grandpa or a spunky twelve-year-old super-spy, but thanks to Noah Lukeman's help in fully developing my characters, I can get into their heads and be them and even have their adventures for awhile. And the better I'm able to live through my characters, the better my readers will be able to do it, too. So the moral of this post is that in real life, yes, you do want to be yourself, but when it comes to writing, you don't have to be. When you write a story, you can and should be someone else sometimes, at least temporarily.

Rendezvous with success

Darcy Pattison had an awesome post last week on Fiction Notes entitled, 'How Do You Get So Much Done?' It's a question that she, as a writer, hears every so often. Darcy's answer is that, when it comes to writing, she keeps office hours. Just like any other job, and even though it's in her home, she writes at specified times of the day. When she had children, her hours were a bit shorter and designed to fit around their school schedules. Later she was able to expand them to an 8 to 4 work day.

When I read Darcy's post, I had a revelation moment. Maybe it was the simple way she put it, but it really hit home to me, because the single biggest problem in my own writing is that I act like writing is a treat for when everything else is done, rather than a job to do first.

It's possible there is no single ingredient in the writing life that guarantees success for a writer more than writing consistently.

There's a vast difference between having a dream and having a plan.

Honesty time. What does your writing days look like? Do you keep a regular rendezvous with your work in progress, or do you only touch base once in awhile? Do you have a daily time when you write? When is this? If you're a consistent writer, has your skill increased? Do you believe a writing plan can lead to fulfilled writing dreams?

A lesson learned from Snow White

If you've read the fairy tales, then you might understand the danger of comparing yourself to others. Remember that wicked queen in Snow White? She could have been a happy person if she had just quit asking that mirror who was the most beautiful of them all. I mean, really. People do get older. What did she expect?

Of course, you probably aren't one of those people who talk to mirrors and expect to get answers. And you may even have become resigned to the fact that eventually, you're going to see a few wrinkles here and there. But when it comes to your writing, what then? Do you glare at your hazy reflection on your laptop screen and ask, "Why did that writer get a book deal while I've been slaving away for six years with nothing? What's better about his writing?"

Actually, there might not be anything better about his writing, but you just fell into the trap of comparison. It's a dark hole, and no writer will ever find success in it.

The truth is, there are a myriad of reasons why any one editor or agent accepts a manuscript on any given day. Sure, you've educated yourself so that you aren't the goofball who sends fiction picture books to houses that publish adult nonfiction self-help. Yes, you've honed your craft so that you don't send in faulty work, hoping professionals will ignore your horrendous plots, shallow characters, or unrealistic dialogue. And you rewrite and run it past our critique group until it's as perfect as you can make it.

But sometimes, it isn't that your work is poor. Sometimes it's just not what that one person who is slogging through the slush pile is looking for. And sometimes, someone else's work is. That's okay. It's part of the way publishing works. If you're producing good work, someday you'll be the one freed from the slush.

So take a lesson from Snow White and avoid comparison. Enjoy the success of your writing comrades, but focus on your writing. Take heart. Your writing is as unique to you as your own finger prints. Some people will like it, and some won't, but it's born out of who you are. That's just the way it should be and the way it will be if you don't give up.

Paying the price

As we remember the sacrifices of the military men and women in our country, it's also a good time to reflect on how those sacrifices have directly affected our quality of life. Thank a veteran or remember a veteran for the freedom you have, and have a great 4th of July!

Where have you been?

And the answer to that question is, right here, actually. I've been homeschooling and drawing rather than writing. Well, that's not entirely true. I have been writing for Examiner.com and I've been working on my picture book manuscripts. After organizing them and their submission records into one handy (albeit enormous) three-ring binder, I'm pushing a few of them back out into the slush piles. It feels good.

Also, after six months of nagging doubts about my middle grade novel, I finally solved a problem that's been bugging me, so it's back to work with that now that I have it worked out in my mind.

So what have you been doing with your summer?

Sometimes you just have to get even with the inner editor

The writer was knocking out the story. She was excited because she had finally gotten past awful chapter seven and was in the zone, happy and oblivious. Then she heard a knock at the door. Not knowing better—the writer never seems to learn—she innocently opened the door with a smile on her face.

Standing before her was a figure wearing one of those fake Groucho Marx glasses-nose-and-mustache numbers to hide her true identity. The writer recognized her anyway. It was the inner editor. Her hair was pulled back into a tight bun like it always is, and she had twelve yellow number two pencils sticking out of it like an intellectual porcupine. She pulled off the disguise and peered over the reading glasses sitting on the tip of her nose, carefully tapping a manicured fire-engine red finger nail on her cold, curving smile.

"I can't believe you wrote this." She snorted.

The writer felt confused. She had to pull herself out of the story-world she had been in and back to reality in order to answer. "What do you mean?"

The inner editor sashayed over to the computer and pointed a long, accusing finger. "This. I mean, apart from the obvious grammatical mistakes, it just doesn't flow. What were you thinking?"

The writer felt her creative juices begin to evaporate under the inner editor's withering gaze.

The inner editor pressed her advantage.

"There's no way you can go any further until you get this thing fixed. And as penance, you're going to have to go back and rewrite every chapter you've written so far at least ten times until I'm satisfied." She leaned against the desk, shaking her head sorrowfully. "Don't think you can get any substandard writing past me. I saw the notes you made about chapters eight and nine. The plot is implausible, the characters shallow, and the dialogue ridiculous. I doubt it's worth putting it down on paper. In fact, I'm thinking we need to junk this whole project and start over from scratch."

The writer's eyes glazed over. She was almost completely paralyzed now, caught in the evil clutches of the inner editor.

"And don't think you can blame me for any of this drivel. It's all your fault. You're the writer, after all." The inner editor smirked before checking her impeccable manicure.

The writer shook herself, and a spark appeared in her eyes. "Hey," she said. "That's right. I am the writer."

The inner editor flinched. "Now, now. I didn't mean you were in charge, or anything like that. You need me or you wouldn't ever produce a decent manuscript." She began to edge toward the door, but she wasn't quick enough. The writer grabbed her by the collar and gave her a quick shove into the hallway. The editor stumbled away, trying to regain her footing. "Hey! That is no way to treat an editor!"

"Out!" The writer was back in control. "When human resources sends you to Acapulco because you're a pest, you need to stay there until I ask for your help during rewrites." The writer began to shut the door, but paused for a moment. "Oh, and by the way. No one is going to pin writer's block on me when you're really the culprit. Scram!"

The inner editor scurried down the hallway, picking up number two pencils that had worked loose from her bun as the writer shut the door firmly behind her. She dusted her hands and took a deep breath. A sense of freedom, nay, of creativity, washed over her like a cool rain. She sat down at the keyboard, fingers poised for only a moment before they began to tap the keys.