These past few months have not been entirely unproductive from the writing end. The proof? I've been holding my own with my Examiner.com reviews and interviews. That's important to me because I do love to promote good writing and illustrating. However, without about a million more readers checking it out daily, it's not going to make me wealthy. My payment at this point is largely that I believe it helps out a smattering of kids and adults who desire some guidance in finding excellent reading materials. (With this in mind, please tell all your friends to subscribe to the site and stop by frequently.)
I've also plugged away at getting a few picture book manuscripts out there, especially considering the fact that it takes months to know whether they're accepted or rejected.
But I have not been diligent on working on my novel. I'll just tell you right now. Last night, I did sit out and churn out some words. They weren't inspired. They were lousy. No one had to tell me.
I find myself rolling the following over in my mind:
• I may not be a great writer, but I still want to finish the book.
• I am afraid that it isn't going to ever be any good, but I still want to finish the book.
• I never feel like writing after a day of teaching school, grading papers, and being a mom, but I still want to finish this book.
• If I don't do this now, I'll never do it at all.
That's the bottom line, really. If I don't get over these fears of mediocrity, staple my rear end to the chair, and make myself do this now, no one else is going to do it for me. (It always comes back to that, somehow, and I hate that part.) It's all about what I do today, not what I want to do tomorrow.
Do you ever feel this way too?