Dealing with the inner editor

As usual, the inner editor barged into my office without bothering to knock. Her heals clicked a demanading staccato across the floor. Stopping in front of my desk, she crossed her arms, staring down her nose at me, out of her oppressive black-rimmed reading glasses. "I heard all about it, you know."

I sighed and pushed back the stack of scene cards I was working on. "Heard what?"

"It's all over the office." She put both hands on my desk, fire-engine red nail polish glinting in the light from the window, and looked me right in the eyes. "Let's just get this straight. If you think you can lure me away this year to Acapulco for the thirty days of Nanowrimo, guess again. I'm going to be in your head every step of the way."

"I have no intention of luring you to Acapulco or anywhere else."

Her eyes narrowed. "Oh?"

"I might lock you in a closet, though."

She stood up and folded her arms over her chest again. "Ha! I knew it."

I laughed. "I'm just kidding. I'm not going to lock you in a closet. Actually, I have a very important assignment for you during Nanowrimo."

"Like what?" The freshly sharpened number two pencils crammed in her bun quivered like literary antennae.

"I'm officially putting you in charge of my word quota. It will be your job to crack the whip and make sure I'm keeping up during Nano. Also, I've got some posts that I'd like you to work on so I can keep blog followers updated on what I'm doing."

"It doesn't sound very challenging. It's not like real editing."

"Perhaps not, but you'll get your chance to do the real thing in December. I want you rested for what I'm sure will be a tremendous amount of revision."

The inner editor hesitated. "I get to crack the whip?"

"Right."

"Well, okay. Just as long as you understand that I'm really the one in charge."

"You're the one in charge."

She turned and strode to the door, but paused before she went out. "Do I get a real whip?"

"It's more of a figurative whip, but just as effective in a literary sense."

Her brow furrowed. "I'll give it some thought." She pulled the door shut behind her.

I picked up the receiver on my phone. "United? How much is a one-way ticket to Tahiti at the beginning of November? Yeah, just one...Is it for the inner editor? No way. She's got too much work to do to travel in November." I grinned. "This one's for me."