My wonderful husband and I had a very interesting conversation recently. What does this have to do with writing? Absolutely nothing! But I was extremely amused at my discovery and expressed to him my desire to share these words of wisdom.
Men and women are different, that's a given. The following has been commonly said by experts and commonly observed by myself.
When a wife approaches her husband with a problem, he will immediately try to find a solution to the problem. Most of the time the wife is not looking for a solution, but to talk it out, vent, or perhaps just have someone who will listen. Then be taken in his arms and told that everything is going to be all right.
Upon relaying a problem to my husband last night he proceeded to tell me exactly what I should do to remedy it. I humorously informed him ONCE AGAIN, that I was not looking to HIM to solve this problem. He couldn't understand why I would tell him something and not expect a solution.
Here it is. I just wanted to talk it out, to share what I was going through inside and have someone listen, and care. I explained that if I wanted him to help remedy the problem I would at the end of my pondering, ASK him for his help.
This was a breakthrough! I think he finally got it. Of course we will probable have this same conversation a month from now, but for now he understood.
Then the conversation lead down a different path.
Generally, when a women wants a man to do something say around the house, she will say, "Honey that chair leg really needs to be fixed."
"Okay, I'll get to it," he grunts.
Two weeks later, the chair leg sits untouched.
I was informed by my husband during this conversation, that I can't just tell him something needs to be done (even though he is the only one who can fix it). I must say something like, "Honey, could you please fix the chair today?"
We were in stitches over our discoveries of each other after almost fifteen years of marriage. The light bulbs were turned on and we had a better understanding of each others needs.
We have never ARRIVED, there is always something new to learn. We just need to try and keep the journey fun, and laugh at ourselves along the way. :)
When people talk, listen completely. Most people never listen. - Ernest Hemingway
Men and women belong to different species, and communication between them is a science still in its infancy. - Bill Cosby
Remember not only to say the right thing in the right place, but far more difficult still, to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment. -Benjamin Franklin
That was a great post! I find that very interesting. And I think it does have to do with writing. You could use it as material for your NaNoWriMo novel!
ReplyDeleteBy the way, when the light bulbs went on, were they florescent, halogen, or incandescent?
This is to good to pass up.
ReplyDeleteFor me, it's florescent because they last the longest. My memory seems longer then my wonderful husbands.
For Larry, it's incandescent. He seems to forget things over time.
I love ya honey but, I cannot tell a lie! :)
...and Beth, are you eating, sleeping, and dreaming of this NaNoWriMo??
ReplyDeleteI know, you cannot rest until the whole world has committed to writing a novel in a month. :)
You are too funny!
This is a great post! It is so true that men and women are different, and the funny thing is that most women would fall into the Christine category, and most men would fall into the Larry category! :)
ReplyDeleteUpon looking over my post and reading Laura's comment I feel compelled to clarify what Laura accurately stated.
ReplyDeleteSo for the record. I am not stating that all men and all women fall into the above description in male female relationships. It was just in fun and speaking of my own experience and observations.
Ok, this is too funny, in 21 years of marriage Beth and I have had this conversation several times. In defense of the husbands I must say that I still have a hard time figuring out when I'm supposed to do something and when I'm just supposed to listen. It seems to me that I listen when I am supposed to do something and do something when I am just supposed to listen. Ahhh... ain't marriage fun!
ReplyDeleteDon't even think of being politically correct. They DO mostly fall into those categories. I defy anyone to prove otherwise.
ReplyDeleteDwight, I am laughing so hard reading your comment. Thus, the above quote by Bill Cosby is extremely accurate!!!
ReplyDeleteTwenty-one years of infancy! :)
The real problem is when I tell him I'd like him to do something but he puts it off until later and then forgets altogether. The diagnosis is difficult to make when procrastination bears such a striking resemblance to, "I didn't know you wanted me to do that because you didn't ask me to with direct language."
ReplyDeleteSo are you saying that men are as mysterious to women as women are to men? I find that rather hard to believe. You seem to know me so very well.
ReplyDeleteDwight, I am not entirely sure if you are directing that question to me or Beth, but I'll jump right in.
ReplyDeleteMen in general are not that mysterious. In fact, I think they are very predictable. Probable because in general they are not very deep. No offense. On the other hand, learning how to communicate with them so they remember things (like the toilet needs fixing) and for them to understand it should preferable be done this year is entirely a mystery to me.
If a man were a book, you're right, he wouldn't be a mystery. He'd be something between a comedy, a tragedy, and a sports story. Maybe all three rolled into one. There would be advertisements for power tools here and there, and lots of pictures. The story would be short, sweet, and to the point, and no matter what, his team would win.
ReplyDeleteUh.... Hey Larry are you going to join in here? Christine, all you have to do is try to fix the toilet yourself when you know he will want you to be doing something else. Then he will get it done so he can get you to do what he wants you to do.
ReplyDeleteYou know Beth, if I am understanding your comment, I think I might resemble that remark. I'm just not too sure about the "my team would win" part. I mean the Bears are doing better this year, so far, but I'm not sure how long that will last.
As an observer, my opinion is that men tend to be on the dense side when it comes to hints. If you use direct language, they understand.
ReplyDeleteDwight, this conversation has finally left you behind. I would suggest at this point that you kick back with some guacamole, chips, and get back to the football game. Call me in the morning.
ReplyDelete